Vocabulary update:
The political and social convictions of conservatives are “values.” The convictions of anybody who disagrees with them are “biases.”
Please make a note in your political glossary.
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Spot the moron
How can you pick out the slowest, stupidest customer with the biggest, most complicated order in any fast-food drive-thru line?
Easy. Look for the one right in front of me.
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Red (state) elephants
Republicans are like Alabama fans. They never lost a game they weren’t cheated out of.
Of course, so far this season Alabama hasn't lost a game -- period. Meanwhile Auburn, my team, bites the bag.
Let’s change the subject.
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You’re breaking up
Am I the only one who hates – I mean hates – speaker phones?
If I call you at a busy moment and you’re willing to talk to me while you multitask, OK. I appreciate your time.
If you call me, please do me the courtesy of picking up the damn receiver.
Of course, the minor irritant of a speaker phone is negligible compared to the monumentally infuriating experience of picking up to: “Please hold for Mr. Too Important To Be Bothered Dialing The Number Of An Insignificant Twit Like You.”
Please tell Mr. Too to . . . never mind.
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